Never leave me be
Sweat breaks on my brow
Given time ends now"
- Opeth/"Harvest"
"They say, 'Life is too short'
'The here and the now'
And 'You're only given one shot'
But could there be more
Have I lived before
Or could this be all that we've got? . . ."
- Dream Theater/"The Spirit Carries On"
| Prologue |
I just wanted to put into writing my memory of her for posterity, and that her friends and you, the reader, can think of her on this day of October the 27th. And all who loved her, especially her husband, who loved her more than life itself . . . this is very much for you most of all.
It will be a sad Autumn.
The Peach . . .
These 6, and 1 other, would have the honor, but carry the burden for someone we loved very much.
Paige Thigpen Murillo was the wife of my, at the time, best friend. We had met when I was homeless, and I joined the line that waited for "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Episode I", located at the famous Mann's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood blvd. It would be almost 4 years later where we met again for
Episode II that Erik became a closer friend along with a few returning others. We had much in common,
especially Sci-Fi/Fantasy and Manga/Anime of the mecha and "serious" type (except, go figure, music -
we couldn't be more the total opposite :P. Though, we had a love for Film and Anime Soundtracks).
Soon I'd be invited to his home, and I met his wife Paige. She still had her Georgian southern accent, and me, always inquisitive of accents and where people come from, she'd share her story, and both telling me the story on how they met each other.
It was soon after, they asked to help them move into their new apartment on the outskirts of the Valley.
Kind of remote, when Paige invited the group of friends over, we had to be sure to get food and snacks before we headed to their home, as there really wasn't any worthwhile restaurants or supermarkets.
Many a night you'd hear coyotes howling (much closer than I do here in the boonies) and they would
actually often roam the apartment complex in the wee hours!
But I think they loved their little apartment :). It was their little place to dwell and live their cozy life.
I have many happy memories there. Paige was indeed a "Georgia Peach", she had to be one of the
sweetest women I have EVER met in my entire life. She was very giving and kind, Erik and Paige knew
all about my life and struggles, and many times invited me to stay over and sleep in their extra bedroom.
When Erik's other friends were invited as well, we'd play various games, and our favorite "Apples to
Apples", and our collective favorite "The Exquisite Corpse"; Someone would start it out by drawing on a
piece of paper - a subject, person or situation, and the next person would write down what they thought it was.
Often times it wouldn't matter if we guessed correctly, we'd just put down the most ridiculous answer
and make each other fall down laughing on the floor! There were times we laughed so hard, we would all
have belly aches :D. And of course, the various stupid drawings we'd each scribble when our turn would
come after guessing correctly, or when no one guessed correctly come to think of it, and laugh even
more!
And to make matters worse, Erik would do a variety of odd things while everyone was concentrating on
the games we would play. Erik and my friend Chris Willis are the funniest guys I ever met (too bad they
never met each other - the environment would probably implode :P). Erik would just do something so strange from left field and make us crack-up so hard, we'd choke on our snacks or make our beverages come out of our noses! All of us laughing so damn hard and Paige, bless her heart, would say in her little sweet southern voice . . .
Try, still I don't understand
Will I ever feel this again
Blue sky, I'll meet you in the end . . ."
- Dream Theater/"Disappear"
Dark clouds and rain to come . . .
something very special.
What is it like when there is information that falls on top of you like a piano? How do you live with the info that your best friends wife has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer :'( . . . She would go through the ordeal of chemotherapy, seem MUCH better for a time, and then it came back.
One of the few things I remember on a visit while Erik and a friend were conversing, she trusted in me to apply "patches" on her back (I was a bit taken-aback that she asked me, but with no hesitation I
complied). But I guess I needed that affirmation that she actually liked me :). Well, I loved her back, she
was a very sweet "heart". Erik was a VERY blessed man, and right now, that makes it even sadder.
I was surprised, out of the blue, she had revealed she was a RUSH fan :D, I said to her "If they ever come to town, we'll go see them!". That day came for the band's 30th Anniversary at Irvine Meadows, and I told her and Erik I'd purchase a ticket for her (Erik decided not to go).
So it was that Erik's friend (and mine at the time) Malakai, as well as my Brother Daniel would join us. She had such a great time, and she had said to me; "I like your brother...", I don't know why but that kinda' hits me in the heart, my younger brother is usually a gruff guy, though he has a very kind side to his
personality. He is usually friendly and talkative with my friends (which he was with Erik when he visited my Mom's home, they had a few interests in common that they could talk at length about). So the 3 of us talked and laughed about anything and everything, before, during and after the concert.
. . . I am very glad that "we" were able to do something special together :).
Honestly (and with much guilt), I don't know where I was when it got worse. I have no excuses or hardly
recollection what I was doing at this time. Or simply, Erik and their collective families were dealing with the exceptional harsh realities and needed privacy and tend to her needs.
There were 7 of us, 6 that were pallbearers at the funeral, and I sat between Erik and his Mother-in-law
and held their hands during the Priest's sermon and words of comfort, as much as it could be. But truly, I can't remember one word, all I can think of was their hands in mine, and Paige. Her laughter, her voice, her smile and how she adored Erik, and how welcoming she was of all Erik's friends and made us feel very much at home, with southern comfort. The very "definition" of Southern Hospitality. . . . she was a "Peach". She's gone, how can this be? She was in all our lives, what is this, why did this have to happen? And what about Erik now? How could all of us fall away from this, it makes me weep.
Were we not appointed to look after him and be friends for life? Isn't that what Paige wanted from all of us?
We once knew the story
As autumn called and we both
Remembered all those many years ago
...I'm sure we know"
- Yes/"Turn of the Century"
I made a CD for the 7 of us (forgive, I only remember it was Erik's older Brother, and
Art, Malaki, Shawn, Nick, and a copy for Erik, there was 1 other, perhaps it was
"Rusty"?), even though they were not into the same music, I needed to do . . .
"something", that was heartfelt and spoke the words I couldn't.
I called it "Requiem for a Peach", complete with a cover that I created with as much of my heart as I could within the short amount of time, for the 6 to listen at their leisure, if they could even face that kind of grief and sadness. I gave a copy to my Mom, who said that she listened to it once and made her weep (I'm sure thinking about her Father and Mother, whom - when she talks about them from time to time, especially her father, she'll start to cry).
There was a situation at the funeral that struck our friend Erik very hard, and it would be later that many of the mourners came to me and said how much they were touched that we all supported Erik. He was our
friend, and so was she, we kept him going when he could not on his own . . .
Paige's last request was for "all of us" to go to all the places she loved in Atlanta with our friend Erik.
We showed him a "good time" to relieve this heavy burden for just moments, but we held him up the best we could, and were there for him for a few years after.
Time is cruel, if it was something we did or didn't do, if it was MY mistakes and stupidity, or Erik, and what he would experience serving in Mosul, and feeling everyone let him down (including me). But I miss him terribly, I miss his jokes and humor, and I have "dreams" of us hanging out now, sometimes so real when I awake, I don't know where I am.
I still talk to Paige from time to time, about anything and everything, along with 3 others, all I lost since 2004, including my Father in 2006. Always asking about Erik, that you're watching over him, where you
are, are you able to help us all through our plight. Along with my other friends and my Father, are we all
doing what we are supposed to be doing, or are you directing all of us down the right path?
From the CD layout, I was reminded that I needed to "remember" Paige, remember the friendships that
split apart and lead us to separate roads far from each other, that should have stayed down the same road. Maybe Paige can mend some of the wounds, maybe we can look at what we had and make something new and forget our stupidity, pride and stubbornness . . . laugh again, and move forward without the damned regrets. Fucking regrets, how many are we supposed to carry to our demise?
I'll speak for the ones I don't see anymore and 1 that we sometimes comment on Fb posts; WE ALL Love You Paige, we love you Erik as our brother, we needed to know that you were safe and moving on the best you can. But I'm here to tell you I miss you, and I only hope and pray the best for you, and I will always be your friend if it takes another 10 years till you knock on my door. I'm trying to mend things Paige, and I miss you very much as well, I wish you were with Erik - but I know you watch over him and wait for him. Take care of him, and help him to find success and happiness again.
These songs are for you this day, as well as the songs in Part II - for those who lost anyone they loved, and those others that I remember and talk to in the dark, when times are rough, and when something I
experience - leads me to your memory. You're in our collective hearts, so you live on ((( ❤ ))).
You were strong - I was trying
I gave you my hand
I said it's okay letting go, time to leave here
And I'll carry on
The best that I can without you here beside me
Let Him come and take you home."
- Dream Theater
Cover Art ~ Layout
Lyric Sheet that was an added Jpg. for disc 2
You can download the full size image to see details: |
|
And if my will has strayed afar I
Remembered you
Will you remember me? . . ."
- Fates Warning/"Guardian"
from my own CD collection that I burned onto my iMAC-G4/iTunes. When it burned out, I had to rely on
YOUtube for the albums I owned, but then discovered even more, while my collection collects dust in
storage as I try to get back on my feet. So creating "Themed Playlists" on YOUtube became a new hobby
and a way to listen to music while I write and create art, and keeping my sanity.
With the songs that would fit on a CD, entitled "Requiem for a Peach", became part of the series Epic
Proportions as number XXXI, (31, I have more than 50), so that I could constantly remember her presence, as well as my friends Michael, Anthony, Robert and my Father, and share the playlist to anyone who had lost someone. Because what better way to express how they deeply affected our lives, how much we loved and missed them, and have empathy for others we know or don't know at all, but understand the loss of someone special, those who passed away many years ago. But we remember those moments in time that stay with us in our hearts that made us happy, even if we had hard times with them, we recall the best of them.
The tracklist expanded when I started creating playlists on YOUtube. For "Part II" I was able to find more tracks that conveyed our loss and love for anyone that meant the world to us, and share with those
others that also knew them, in a way that was universal, to say the words we couldn't find. To say goodbye, or to remember. Remembering your existence, that it wasn't all in vain. You filled OUR lives with life :).
I'll be alright because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on . . . !"
- Dream Theater/"The Spirit Carries On"
| P a i g e T h i g p e n M u r i l l o |
"Requiem for a Peach"
P a r t I
How we talked and drank
Into the misty dawn
— I hear the voices . . ."
- Rush/"Afterimage"
Dream Theater - The Spirit Carries On 6:40
Yes - Turn Of The Century 7:43
Opeth - Harvest 5:58
Kansas - Lamplight Symphony 8:25
Steve Hackett - Dark As The Grave 4:43
Fates Warning - Guardian 7:32
Nevermore - Dreaming Neon Black 6:29
Pain of Salvation - Lilium Cruentus 5:29
Rush - Afterimage 5:06
TransAtlantic - Bridge Across Forever 5:34
Dream Theater - Disappear 6:47
*Hidden Bonus Track
The pain, the unknowing washes away in time
Until then will you meet me whenever I call to you?"
- Nevermore/"Dreaming Neon Black"
~ ReQuiem ~
P a r t I I
On the bridge across forever
I know that we will find our way
To the bridge across forever
Between tomorrow and today
There is a bridge across forever
I know that we will find our way
To the bridge across forever."
- Transatlantic/"Bridge Across Forever"
Metallica - To Live Is To Die
Dream Theater - Wait For Sleep
Queensryche - Silent Lucidity
Porcupine Tree - Lazarus
Opeth - For Absent Friends
Genesis - For Absent Friends
Rush - Nobody's Hero
Carlos Santana & Sarah Mclachlan - Angel (live)
Dream Theater - The Spirit Carries On (live)
Yes - Turn of the Century
Kansas - Lamplight Symphony
Cryptic Vision - Moments of Clarity (parts l, ll, lll, llll)
Alex Lifeson - At The End
Sarah Mclachlan - Ben's song
Opeth - Harvest
Haken - Sun
Steve Hackett - Dark As The Grave
Fates Warning - Guardian
Nevermore - Dreaming Neon Black
Pain of Salvation - Lilium Cruentus
Karate Kid II; Tears for the Sunset . . .
Dream Theater - Take Away My Pain
Mike & The Mechanics - The living Years
Queensryche - Bridge
Styx - This Old Man
Cat Stevens - Father and Son
Dream Theater - The Best of Times
Steve Vai - Brother
Camel - The Hour Candle (A Song For My Father)
Sarah McLachlan - Song For My Father
Peter Gabriel - Father, Son
Anneke van Giersbergen - My Mother Said
Queensryche - Just Us
Thin Lizzy - Philomena
Pain of Salvation - Dedication
Opeth - The Night And The Silent Water
Tori Amos - Winter
Queensryche - Midnight Lullaby / A World Without
Rush - Afterimage (Video)
Pantera- Cemetery Gates
After Forever - Cry with a Smile
Kevin Gilbert - Song for a dead friend
Dream Theater - Disappear
Into Eternity - The Incurable Tragedy II
Porcupine Tree - Arriving somewhere but not here
Dead Soul Tribe - Some things you can't return
Nevermore - No More Will
Metallica - Fade to Black
"Christ! What have you done! . . ."
Rush - The Pass
Opeth - Burden
Cyclone Temple - Sister (Until We Meet Again)
Gardenian - If Tomorrow's Gone
Novembers Doom (feat. Anneke van Giersbergen) - What Could Have Been
Confessor - Cross the Bar
Paradise Lost - Missing
Sanctuary - Epitaph
Mina - A Picture Of Life
Anathema - Internal landscapes
Blackfield - Hello
Alcatrazz - Starcarr Lane
Led Zeppelin - In My Time of Dying
Transatlantic - Bridge Across Forever
Steven Wilson - Routine
Section 16 - Alone
Savatage - Stay With Me A While
Haken - In Memoriam
Divine Regale' - Cry To Heaven
King's X - Everywhere I Go
Green Carnation - Rain
Sentenced - Cross My Heart And Hope to Die
Brainstorm; "We made it . . ."
Black Sabbath - In Memory
Steve Hackett - In Memoriam
Eluveitie - A Rose For Epona
Steven Wilson - The Raven that Refused to Sing
Megadeth - The Blackest Crow
Gentle Giant - His Last Voyage
Enchant - At Death's Door
Fates Warning - A Pleasant Shade of Gray Part IX
What Dreams May Come: "I do exist . . ."
Opeth - Isolation Years
My Dying Bride - For My Fallen Angel
Spheric Universe Experience - The Day I Died
Arch / Matheos - Midnight Serenade
Trouble - Requiem
Anathema - Are You There?
Queensryche - I will Remember
Opeth - Weakness
Funeral Canticle (From "The Tree of Life")
Thomas Newman - Road to Chicago (Road To Perdition 2002)
She's not really gone
She's not really gone . . ."
- Vanderhoof/"Angel Now"
Affiliated playlists . . .
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2DU3TBNutEcuu-h3wnMsaNakEktZB5Xh
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2DU3TBNutEeTuOOxutK_63MNWNfvux6j
. . . for our fathers
This goes out to his entire family along with my thoughts and prayers.
Father's Day II
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2DU3TBNutEd3iNbu2iS4uakupaKdgPKu
. . . For Rob
https://mavearworx.weebly.com/blog/remembering-howdy-robert-hollingsworth-a-brother-and-friend