A memorial to our Pirate crew member and friend . . .
Love will never end
And I feel like you
And I breathe all truth
Love is the lifebreath of all I see
Love is the truelight inside of me"
- Anathema/"Internal Landscapes"
"Amber" colored words are active links. And most photos can be clicked to enlarge.
Known you from a distance . . .
meeting of another, who shared a passion for the same special music that we grew up with.
And making memories of our own . . .
before that, he was known as "Behedemal" at Progged Radio, in which many of us 1st met - circa 1998 with
our own "a.k.a.'s") where like-minded international music aficionados hung out. Who was one of many
Prog Brothers and Sisters of this eclectic music.
Everyone texted in a live chat window on the main page with fans from around the world. Talking music of
course, but it became a family of sorts. Politics (when everyone was once more tolerant), spirituality,
skepticism, the human condition, introspection and more, reflected off the music to our collective
conscience. Music and life in a coexisting synergy of lyrics and personal thoughts, along with our friendly
community of; Musicians, 9 to 5r's, teachers, students, dreamers and everyday people, some you would
never guess were Prog Rockers, especially of the heavier Prog Metal fare. But we found a place that was
home for a time, where we shared our favorites, where many appreciated the sampling of albums and
tracks old and new. Be it EPIC or musically virtuosic, heavy, moody, melodic, symphonic, experimental,
odd or complex (even humorous). And many of us also donated CD's to the ever growing library of all
things Progressive.
It was all there to share with one another, and WE were proud to be part of this group that were waaaaaay ahead of the curve of most, hearing band's make their debut that would later become classics. We were
there in their early careers when others, from other sources, were just hearing about them. It was a very special place.
Howdy was well known (a very recognizable "nom de plume"), he was a regular who added his requests in the queue as many of us waited in line, looking forward to its classic or new sounds hitting our ears. We were geeks of music, oohing and aahing in the chatboard along with various animated smileys that made us all laugh, or represented what we were feeling, air drumming or air guitaring along when we should be working :).
It wasn't just the music, but the fun of sharing it with people into the obscure, to talk shop (and others who discussed making the interface better in technical jargon with the owner "Scout", that was usually way over my head :p). And hours would go by swiftly when before we knew it, many would say their farewells for the day. As a few of us stragglers would hangout for a few more hours.
For I am drowning in disarray
And brother, it is on you I depend
To pull me out of this misery
Like a hero I've always seen you
Even though I would never say
And through the years
The laughter and the tears
It's you who were strong!
In the right and the wrong!
A tribute to the world that
Blood is thicker than water"
- Steve Vai/"Brother"
More than a face in the crowd . . .
fold. Becoming an extended family to a wider world that grew slowly, but stronger year after year.
Howdy became Robert Hollingsworth, whom I had talked to once very briefly on the phone many years ago. He was a funny, direct and honest human being. He never pulled any punches, but he had a soft side to his demeanor that I recall, if it was on the phone or on the chat board. From the bands he enjoyed in Prog Rock/Metal, including the heavier Metal genres. He sounded like a guy I would have hung out with, sitting around listening to LP's and CD's and definitely would have gone to many a concert if we had lived close by. But like many of us, it was a distant relationship with our Prog brothers and sisters, and we shared
what we could from the comfort of our homes (or work) to be as close as we could.
Many others knew Robert much more than I did, many would be revealed in the years later, of how deep it went, bringing more people to his doorstep via the internet. They had the inside scoop on this man and
shared far more than what was a blip on a screen for me and Rob. But I still considered him a friend
nevertheless . . .
A soldier at arms for this music that filled our lives with hope, vented our anger/frustrations, shared our dreams, asked the same questions and spoke for us in every way possible. When we couldn't find the
words, or were too scared to reveal our hearts and personalities, the bands were there to interpret what we needed to say and feel. It all kept us going to find our strength and courage, to reach our goals and live our dreams.
A Brother: A life going by . . .
And poured it all out on the floor
Turned my back to the glory and walked the tenth story
And come back to knock on your door
Ohh... my life going by
Ohh... my life going on
My life going..."
- Kings X/"Life Going By"
Memories can only last so long
Like faded photographs, forgotten songs
And the things I never knew
When the skin is thin, the heart shows through
Please believe me what I tell you is true"
- Savatage/"When the crowds are gone"
Hit Broadside
lives to live, we go on with our everydays, taking care of important things, living life with no thought that
someone could be gone like autumn leaves in the wind.
I had a few friends, that included my Father, that passed on. It's not easy memories, some I was with in
their last days, some at great distances, too late to hold their hands at the last moments. But they are with
me always, talking with them about my stupid life. Asking for help and finding the courage to move
forward, asking that they keep watch on their families, making sure that they are taken care of, taking the
right path, getting them through the storms and making it out okay, with a new resolve, a better strength,
to face more than they thought was possible.
It was sadly, Rob's sister Cheryl, that had let us Proguli know that Rob passed away "suddenly" at his home
in Michigan to all our shock (I've tried to find the announcement that was on the Fb Progulus page, but
may have been deleted?). A life we lived with for many years impossibly gone, I just don't understand.
Too many dying much too soon, needlessly, when so many care and need their presence. Lots of heartfelt
thoughts and stories came pouring in, including on Rob's own page.
Overwhelming support for the Hollingsworth family, Cheryl and friends revealed much of the same
thoughts and sentiments that seemed to be in sync of what we all experienced in his personality.
He touched many lives with who he was, it was all a goodness and honesty that Cheryl would also reveal.
I reached out to Cheryl, I found out that they were very very close, which was a bigger heartbreak :'(.
Rob shared all his music with her, and visa-versa, she wasn't your typical girlie-girl, she was a unique
sister and they had a special bond. Strengthened by these threads of music, intertwining all they would
experience in life together and far apart. Inspiring them to live life to its fullest no matter what they had to
do to make it so. Music soothed all the ills and pressures for the 2, as it does for all of us.
It was a gift to learn more about him, and somehow because of him, I made a new and very special friend
- yet another family member of prOguli to share his music, OUR music that keeps us all fighting the good
fight, even on this terrible day of news that came for most of us, in October or November of 2013.
He passed away just a few days before my birthday, on September 22, 2013. My younger Brother and
Mother would also celebrate birthdays in September and I thought, what would I go through if they died
all the sudden? What in the world could Rob's family be going through, and Cheryl? And I think again on friends and my Father who are not here, as the tears come . . .
I apologize for dwelling on this, but many don't want to deal with loss for various reasons, they keep it far away from thought and harm, it's unspoken. I need to keep it close to remember the life THEY lived, I have to acknowledge their existence for posterity, they "existed". They were not just a person living, breathing
and carrying on day to day without a name, they were someone very special, not to a few, but to many. And Rob touched MANY lives, sides we didn't know about him, and those that loved him. Again, I knew only a tiny fraction of who he was, and how he shared his life. But at the very least, I heard the music that spoke
for him, I hold some of his CD's in my hands, and I got to know a sister who dearly loved him.
. . . And rediscovering music I hadn't heard in ages.
I feel the way that you would
- I feel your presence
I remember
I feel the way you would
I feel the way you would!
I feel
I feel the way you would!
This just can’t be understood…"
- Rush/"Afterimage"
Remembering . . .
moment of history, and all they inspired and influenced.
Don't hide, don't throw those thoughts away, but embrace it, let it out, open the flood gates, because you can't hold it in or you'll drown, if it was bad or good. Make the amends, forgive, or remember the love -
they know it was there, and you will live knowing that you feel their presence wherever you go.
. . . they will feel it too :').
Making your way all by yourself
But you take what you've got
Though it don't seem a lot
And you give it the best that you can
Life is a precious thing
So don't burn it up
Start living it day by day
Life is a precious thing
So don't burn it up
Start living it day by day"
- Magnum/"The Word"
So please think on this; life is much too short to keep grudges, secrets and anger pent up inside. Before you have those terrible regrets that will bring you to your knees, reachout to those you once loved, cared for, lived life with and had those amazing times. All the laughter and things you experienced together, those constant friends, siblings and family that were there thick and thin, in the most terrible times, and when you needed someone to save you from the brink. Think of those that were there when no one else showed up - you all have time to start a new beginning on a road together again :).
I wasn't able to say goodbye to my father, and many of us couldn't with Rob. But if you are reading this, you can say hello to him, play him the songs he used to share with all of us, and those special songs that you want him to hear. Play it LOUD for the heavens to know you care, that you remember :').
Nothing is left but the blank tapes
Nothing left for us
Nothing is left but the blank tapes
In your car"
- Steve Wilson/"Blank Tapes"
I... am gonna help you see it through
I... will protect you in the night
I... I'm smiling next to you, in silent lucidity"
- Queensrÿche/"Silent Lucidity"
Goodbye my friend . . .
around breaking out Lp's, cassettes and CD's of happy yesterdays, and all the new music that you are not here to enjoy in the flesh, but you are there in spirit. And I KNOW that for both Cheryl and Angela, its automatic to share all the music that sparks in their head, from pleasant memories on the phone or in
person. And the many songs that take on new meaning and more power, sorrow, and hits to the heart of the matter, making the tears flow like rain. As it hits me now thinking of it all :'(. But happy memories
shine through from a song, its lyrics brighten hopes and bring a smile :).
I know WE would have been hanging out and sharing our musics, especially others that have known you for years, and I want to give my deepest thoughts, prayers and lyrics to them as well. And, to the powers that be that you two - Cheryl and Angela (including Stephanie and others as close that I don't know) are all
watched over. That every miracle finds you to take care of you, as "sisters" to a long lost brother, a special friend and confidant. He is there, holding you all to comfort, like wings draped over you like a warm
blanket, listening to every track right next you, and all that you share with him :).
"And water can't cover her memory
And ashes can't answer her pain
God give me the power to take breath from a breeze
And call life from a cold metal frame
In with the ashes
Or up with the smoke from the fire
With wings up in heaven
Or here, lying in bed
Palm of her hand to my head
Now and forever curled
In my heart and the heart of the world."
- Dream Theater/"Wait for Sleep"
In words i'll never send
Where you are, i am
Through nights that never end
Where you are, i am
In words i'll never send
Never, never send.
~
Stayed up late last night
Lying here in bed
Still looking for words
Still writing letters in my head."
- Fates Warning/"A Pleasant Shade of Gray Part IX"
Epilogue . . .
specific wondrous memories, but all painful in relative ways, yet graced with laughter and affection.
All three I remember as the air grows colder (as well as 2 others for the spring), in music and tribute to you Rob. If it be from us to you, you to us - those you cared about, telling each of us, all that's in our hearts. And to a sister that calls to you and visa-versa, that he exists, and is there listening to your thoughts and
musics. Lifting you up when you fall, but giving you the strength you thought you never had, discarding
the fear and self-doubt to reach that true happiness to the stars. A destiny that waits for you with an open road and endless possibilities, with a soundtrack to match to remind you of your courage :).
Has forever slipped away
And down through the years,
The seasons changed
Still, a cold wind blows today
No sun to melt the frost,
Because she's lost among the ghosts of autumn"
- Spock's Beard/"Ghosts of Autumn"
For Roberts entire family, all his friends far and wide, those that are dear to his memory and presence, this
is for you. And for OUR "PrOg Brother". Hoist the sail and may it carry you into the horizon, into the
otherside of the setting sun . . . .
There is a road I'm always walking
And I know you'll never return to this place"
- Opeth/"Hope Leaves"
Never give up.
I N M E M O R Y . . .
Our Prog Pirate in arms: R o b e r t T. H o l l i n g s w o r t h
N o v e m b e r 9 1 9 6 4 ~ S e p t e m b e r 2 2 2 0 1 3
For Rob . . .
Take my heart and give it time to heal.
I know, in my memories you live
Take my heart a little while,
Take it with you to the place you go
I know, we will meet again some day"
- After Forever/"Cry with a smile"
~ Tracks and Lyrics ~
Lyrics are active in track titles.
Anathema - Internal Landscapes
Songs for those who talk to him in the night . . .
Dream Theater - Wait For Sleep
Queensrÿche - Silent Lucidity
Poets of the Fall - Sleep
Fates Warning - A Pleasant Shade of Gray IX
Katatonia - Sistere
(a brother calling out . . .)
The Hollies - He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother
Steve Vai - Brother
Steven Wilson - The Raven That Refused To Sing (video)
(from a Brother somewhere, to a Sister)
Savatage - When The Crowds Are Gone
Sylvan - Chapter 1: The Fountain Of Glow
Section 16 - Alone
Iced Earth - If I Could See You
Paradise Lost - Missing
Spheric Universe Experience - The Day I Died
A.C.T. - A Wound That Won't Heal
Katatonia - Nephilim
After Forever - Cry With A Smile
Black Sabbath - Over and Over
Steven Wilson - Routine (video)
Opeth - Harvest
Anathema - Are You There? (Hindsight version)
Threshold - Lost in Your Memory (Acoustic Version)
Chicago - Colour My World
Sylvan - Chapter 2: Share the World with Me
Mystery - Through Different Eyes
- I. "When Sorrow turns to Pain"
- II. "Apocalyptic Visions of Paradise" (Instrumental)
- III. "So Far Away"
- IV. "The Point of No Return"
- V. "The Silent Scream"
- VI. "Dancing with Butterflies"
(for the PrOguli - the band of brothers and sisters)
Riverside - Acronym: L.o.v.e.
Flying Colors - Lost Without You
Vanden Plas - Postcard To God
Savatage - Stay With Me A While
Kings X - Everywhere I Go
Opeth - Hope Leaves
Sentenced - We are but falling leaves
Justin Hayward - Forever Autumn
Divine Regale - Leaves
Spock's Beard - Ghosts Of Autumn
Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe - The Meeting
Roberta Flack - Bridge Over Troubled Water
(From Rob - for a sister, brother, mother & father...)
TransAtlantic - Bridge Across Forever
Rush - Afterimage
Jon Oliva's Pain - Still I Pray for You Now
Katatonia - First Prayer
Mystery - A Song for You
(From Rob . . . to Cheryl)
Sylvan - Chapter 5: Farewell to Old Friends
Genesis - For Absent Friends
Opeth - For Absent Friends
Metallica - To Live Is To Die
Steve Wilson - Blank Tapes
(for Cheryl, and the memories with her Brother)
Emerson Lake & Palmer - Watching Over You
Kevin Gilbert - Song for a Dead Friend
(for Cheryl, Angela and friends); Simply change Danny to Robby, its how we all feel :'(
Clint Mansell; The Fountain OST - Together We Will Live Forever
Leaves in the wind . . .
The Beatles - In my Life
Kings X - Life Going By
Anathema - One Last Goodbye
After Forever - Lonely
Blackfield - Hello
Arch/Matheos - Incense And Myrrh
Opeth - Weakness
Queensrÿche - I Will Remember
Thomas Newman; Road to Perdition OST - The Farm
The pen must have slipped to the side
And left a stain
Next to his name
She knows he's gone
And isolation
Is all that would remain
'The wound in me is pouring out
To rest on a lover's shore"
- Opeth/"Isolation"
Opus Insert:
You're the wind in the sail's mother ship
Drifters at sea remain to be, till
Land which speaks our tongue is found
On our way cut the tongues of dragons
Breathing fire
Ride the waves through the air down below
The mire!"
- Fates Warning/"Pirates of the Underground"
yew landlovers!", "Walk the plank!", "Turn it up yew curs'ed cut-throats 'n murderers tha' lot of ya!" and the sing-a-long; "Come sail the sea's go fishin' with me!" and more :D. We would all add other pirate and nautical related songs as well, and it bring a laugh and lighthearted break, as well as an "initiation" to anyone just joining our Ship and wondering what the heck was going on. And on top of that, there is "Talk like a Pirate Day!" YARR! :D.
I had scheduled a meet-up at progulus for the 1st memorial of our friend (and 2nd) along with his sister
Cheryl, where she would first experience our camaraderie and love for our fellow Prog Pirate. She was
overwhelmed by the support and our close-nit family. We were a rare breed in the music world, we got
along with each other, treated each other with kindness and respect. Even with serious topics, for the most
part, everyone was personable and all were welcomed in our exclusive meeting of music made by
exceptional musicians, lyricists and composers. It was a time that was still cordial, and all were brothers
and sisters in these international musics - it was a different world then, and I miss that.
But for its time, we sailed the same open waters, set our course into individual storms, and landed on
safe shores with the wind at our backs to find good fortune.
I don't know if we can return to that golden age, but many of us were there for Rob, remembering him,
his music tastes and chats that bring us back to those yesterdays. All the music we shared, enjoyed and
discovered together, and would become staples and classics. Long before many others would hear them,
and we can all be proud that we were there in the beginning.
So I dedicate this playlist to all of us, to Cheryl for experiencing the love of her brother, and our collective memories of him, and to anyone else who has read and stuck around this far. YOU are invited to ride the
waves along with all of us.
WE salute our fellow Pirate of the sea, we unfurl the Jolly Roger and drink a toast to you Robert, may your
sails never tatter, and may the navigation of the stars take you on seas far and wide . . .
Come sail to sea, go fishing with me!'
...Of course, you may think your ships are sturdy."
- Ritual/"Seasong for Moominpappa"
Upon the waves . . .
For the light you gave to many, we all light a candle for you.
Acknowledgements to Angela Buchanan and Cheryl for many of the songs added, and the sympatico of songs I added
from my own collection. - Thank you.
This playlist is very much dedicated to not only Robert, but to you both.